Just a quick tip for anyone who’s interested. I was tooling around in iPhoto earlier today and noticed that the “Edit in external editor” contextual menu option was disabled. Though there is no preference exposed in the UI, the following command will tell iPhoto to use the GIMP:
defaults write com.apple.iPhoto
ExternalEditorPath -string "/Applications/Gimp.app"
Feel free to replace that application with your editor of choice. That’s all for today!
After my previous essay regarding the many problems I’ve seen in Hillcrest, I thought for sure I’d be done here for a while. It seems that I was wrong, and this time it’s personal. Let me just say that it is extraordinarily difficult to genuinely offend me, but there are a few easy ways to cross me. In the past twenty-four hours, several people have found them. I’m tired of this crap, and today it stops.
Simply put, etiquette describes the informal and unwritten rules and protocols of social interaction. Appropriate use of phrases such as “please,” “thank you,” and “I’m sorry” are all good examples of things we learn as etiquette. When someone goes out of their way to help, you thank them. But that’s nothing to do with today. If you move into a house, you expect (both socially and by law) that people will not enter your house uninvited. If you go to someone’s house, you go to the front door and knock. If someone doesn’t answer and let you in, you leave quietly. Simple, yes?
No. Not simple. In practice, dorm rooms are treated exactly like personal residence: nobody official can enter your room without your express permission. In suites, they have a “front door” (the hallway) and a “back door” (the bathroom). Just like a house, if you want to go in, you approach the front door and knock. When a door is closed, it is not yours to open freely. Several of my friends have become far too comfortable with letting themselves into rooms that aren’t their own. When I’m gone for a weekend, don’t leave my room a mess. If you use it, clean it. If my door is closed, don’t open it unprompted. If my hallway door is closed, do not enter through a closed bathroom door.
To most people, this is common sense. To people who call themselves my friends, it’s faded out of their memory. My door, if closed, is closed for a reason. And that reason is because the world ought not be staring inside. I’m furious that the rumor mill works so quickly and that uninvited guests have taken innocent sightings and morphed them into more sinister stories. Jacob and Cas, I’m looking at you.
Another problem we’ve had lately is that of being considerate to others. Not only is it general etiquette not to enter a room uninvited, doing so is rather inconsiderate. The door is closed probably because the occupants didn’t want you just barging in. If we did, the door would have been open. Normally I try not to offend, but this is ridiculous. You guys are uncomfortably awkward sometimes, and that’s why the door was closed. You may not like it, but at least respect it.
And now a subject closer to my heart and principles. Yes, I have both. To be blunt: girls are people too, and ought to be treated and spoken of accordingly. I’ve heard many people, including some parents, refer to girls as objects. “We’ll help you find one,” they said. Sorry, but girls are not something you can just go out and pick. Dating and relationships just don’t work that way—you do not go out looking for one and magically find it; if you’re lucky, it finds you unintentionally. Stop talking about girls as if they are something to be found and picked up. I find it reprehensible, and I guarantee the girls you know are even more offended. You wonder why things never go your way.
Choice of language has a powerful influence on interpretation. Earlier today, someone backhandedly apologized to me: “sorry for scaring away your girl.” There are so many problems with that statement, I don’t even know where to begin. First, I’m appalled that anyone would believe he or she knows more about my personal life than I do. I may have a few close female friends, but last I checked, that’s all I’ve got… but that’s not the point. What bothers me the most is the notion of “your girl.” Possession. Even if I were lucky enough to have a girlfriend, I still wouldn’t stand for anyone using that language. People belong to nobody other than themselves, and it’s despicable that people are comfortable using such possessive language to describe any relationships, real or merely imagined.
I make no secret of the fact that I make friends slowly, and that I choose them carefully. Apparently I’ve made a few mistakes over the years, as I’m finding out this semester. As I’ve been told, and reluctant to admit, there are many times that my so-called “friends” here treat me like trash. And I won’t stand for it anymore. I’ve survived without you guys before, and I can do it again. You may need me for help with school and such, but I dare say that’s only true one way. Treat me like crap, and I’ll go away. The posse has pushed its luck a little too far.
Cas, I understand that your keys went missing. I respect your choice to ask everyone once if they have seen them. However, you’re entirely wrong to think my close friends or I would be so bankrupt as to find stealing and hiding them humorous. Your mistake was twofold: assuming either of us would find it funny, and inquiring in such a way that you assumed we were already guilty.
As I said, I pick my friends carefully. Nobody I’m close to anymore would be so childish as to think stealing and hiding is humorous. One of the quickest ways to severely offend me is to pass such sweeping character judgement on either me or my close friends. If you assume I did it, I’m offended you think that low of me. I’d never do such a thing, and to believe I would shows that you don’t know me. If you assume a close friend of mine did, then you’re saying that I befriend people of questionable character. I know I don’t do that; my friends are good people. Unlike you guys, I’ll stand up for my friends no matter how it impacts me.
So you can all take your sweeping character judgement and stuff it. There are none of us who are perfect enough to pass judgement on anyone else, so stop doing it. The character judgments leveled against me, Kari, Ben, Amy, and Lindsey have been outrageous. Even if not explicitly stated, actions betray your silence anyway. There’s no real foundation for it, and nobody here is qualified anyhow. Get over yourselves, and stop judging us.
As I said at the beginning, I choose my friends carefully. I’m slow to form friendships, and I’m equally slow to let them go. To be my friend, I have to firmly believe that you are a good enough person that I can trust you with my friendship. To lose me as a friend, you have to show me that my trust was misplaced. Passing judgement on my friends and treating me like crap are two of the quickest ways to offend me and lose my trust. Congratulations guys, you’ve worked hard to get me here.
My room is my home away from home; I certainly wouldn’t let these flaws into my house at home, so I don’t want them here either. Foul moods, character judgement, and baseless rumor mongering are not welcome. This room is mine, first and foremost. When here, you’re the guests, not me; I wish you’d realize that and stop treating me like I am. The futon is for company that’s invited, not for company to invite itself. I intensely dislike being the grouch, but this semester has been entirely too hard on me and those I respect.
Think about what’s important, and decide how to handle it.
It’s been a long semester here in Hillcrest. To the point that some now refer to it as Hellcrest, and with plenty of good reasons. The problems from Fall 2006 impacted nearly every facet of college life, from academics to dating to politics to university administration. After two years of relative stability, this semester has brought on a sudden and apparently inexplicable dismantling of a community.
We already know that “for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.” The entire Hillcrest Community has seen the reaction; now it’s time analyze the original action—the cause. Oddly enough, the abbreviation “HC” is a fitting acronym for many of the problems that have arisen these past 4 months.
Jump back to Fall 2004, an election year. Shortly after my arrival at college, my friends and I were quickly termed the “Hyper Conservative Posse,” or the HCP for short. It became a joke to us, and I was soon labeled the “token moderate.” At the time, it was rather humorous, but in a gratingly dark and sinister fashion—at least to me. Maybe I was the only one who saw it that way.
Fast forward to Fall 2006, the year of the national midterm elections. Lying dormant for two years, the time was once again ripe for hyper-conservatism to rear its ugly head. Recall the term “compassionate conservative” from the 2004 elections. I can assure you that any such label is the antithesis of every quality the HCP exhibited this time around. Perhaps the nature of the HCP had drifted right since the 2004 elections; maybe it was propelled right by the addition of two new “token liberals” since 2004; it’s even possible the HCP was drawn right by the addition of a heavy-hitting conservative in 2005. Regardless of the cause, there has definitely been a bit of rightward shift.
On the Republican agenda during this trip to the polls were several moral issues, including stem cell research and—more importantly—the issue of gay marriage (to purposefully abandon the use of politically correct terms). I can already hear the cynics in the crowd asking: “Why do you care? You’re straight.” While true, that factoid has no bearing on the other fact that I now know at least six people who range from “not entirely straight” to “entirely homosexual.” These people are all completely normal, functional human beings, and their life decisions are theirs to make. While you are welcome to disagree with those decisions personally, it is absolutely inexcusable to force your morality on them through law—particularly on completely innocent issues like this, which will present no impact to your private life whatsoever. To those who will say “well, murder is a moral issue,” I offer the fact that murder directly impacts the lives of other people, and not just the victim.
To nobody’s surprise, however, the overarching opinion was “gay marriage is bad.” Fine. I disagree, but you’re welcome to that opinion. And now a very brief lecture on how voting works: you go to the poll and fill out your ballot. You select candidates you support and voice your opinion on issues up as referenda. It’s really quite simple. The only cases in which you should abstain from voting are on those issues and offices for which you legitimately have no opinion, or cannot make an informed decision. You do not abstain from voting just to please your friends, because you “knew it would pass anyway.” If you have an opinion, vote it. You cannot have your cake and eat it too; people will find out.
The real opinions and values of certain sects of the HCP were made blindingly apparent this semester, and the backstabbing hyper-conservatism was a little much for me (and others) to stomach. Maybe some of the HCP set a bad example, but the rank smell of deceit remains around all its members. I found myself caught in the rift between the HCP and those they crossed, which quickly made this semester my most awkward, uncomfortable, and miserable one to date.
Intolerance is a serious problem; it plagues parts of the HCP, and is slowly affecting larger portions of Hillcrest.
There are many terms for the concept of “think before you speak,” such as the Hillcrest favorite, the “brain-to-mouth filter.” For some people, it’s obvious that either this filter is dysfunctional, or they really don’t care about the feelings of others. Usually, I wouldn’t count myself as one who really doesn’t care; after my charades last Friday, I’ve since joined the club. However, that fact bothers me, whereas it doesn’t bother some whom it ought.
Let’s digress to gay marriage for a short while. It was a very heated and oft-discussed issue within Hillcrest this semester, with so much riding on the outcome of the elections, particularly regarding Virginia’s gay marriage legislation. I know precisely one gay couple, so perhaps my sample size is a little low, but allow me to explain. They have been together for 20 years or more, without any of the legal benefits that accompany marriage, and definitely with the occasional scorn that must come from people intolerant of gays. Perhaps I’m talking out of my proverbial rear, but there are a lot of “normal” marriages that end in a matter of years, instead of going strong even after a matter of decades. So this is an example of a gay couple who have been together for considerably longer than most of today’s shorter-lived marriages.
Why is this relevant? I’ll tell you. The comment was made—by a member of the HCP—that “the love you feel isn’t the same kind of love I feel.” To add context, this was from a straight person to a gay person. How anyone on the planet that is not a member of both camps (so to speak) feels qualified to make that judgement call, I will never understand. And, as my story above would indicate, it seems that a gay couple may in fact feel a stronger bond than many straight couples. So making a broad, uninformed statement like this is a complete load of crap. This one comment was particularly ill-timed, and summarily insensitive. It should be no marvel that these individuals stopped talking, but said member of the HCP is so dense that he hasn’t a clue.
Don’t throw around such senseless and baseless comments; it’s dumb, and further crumbles a group already falling apart.
And while we’re on the subject of marriage, it’s an appropriate follow-up to consider the dating antics that have plagued Hillcrest and the HCP this semester. As with any high school or college scene, rumor mongering is an extremely entertaining pass-time (apparently). Being fair, I’ll start with a known fact that began as a rumor, and from it stems a myriad of stress-inducing and foundation-shaking problems that have shown themselves this fall.
In the beginning, it was a new semester; we were all busy meeting new people and making new friends. If this sounds a too altruistic to be true, you’re entirely correct. This happy-go-lucky phase lasted about two weeks, tops. Except for a couple people… two, specifically. One of my friends seemed to be hanging out frequently with one of the girls new to the dorm this year; an RA. So, of course, the rest of the HCP started whispering quietly about what was afoot, almost a full month before either he or she was ready to disclose the truth. It turns out that the rumors were correct, but that’s not the point; as I soon found, being part of a rumor is infinitely less fun than discussing a rumor.
Returning to the first few weeks of school, there was another girl new to the dorm, who hung out in my room frequently. Allegedly this was because my roommate and I are just fun people to hang around. Being me, I took that tale at face value, seeing no reason to read any further into it—at least, not publicly. Needless to say, that’s not what the rest of the HCP saw. Judging by the quiet conversations, the cryptic comments, and playful jabs, the HCP believed for sure that she had developed an active interest in me. Why they subscribed to that notion, I don’t know, because—at the time—she very clearly and very publicly had a boyfriend. End of story, right?
Not quite. All was fine and dandy until one day I walked in on a conversation that I was not expected to hear. Allegedly, my softball playing improved one day when she showed up to watch us practice. I didn’t change anything, but I really did not appreciate being mocked when I wasn’t around, especially due to beliefs that were entirely inaccurate—at least, what they believed was wrong. It was pretty clear (to me, at least) that she had no interest in me, as they believed. However, I had developed an interest in her. I kept it private, because nobody needed to know. To make a long story short, the rumors got a little out of hand, and I explained the entire situation to her, including the rumors and my story. Seemed like the right thing to do, so I did.
Is there a moral here? Very much so. Once you’ve aired the truth, see what happens, and let it go. This really shouldn’t be a hard concept! But apparently it is…
So yet again, the same comment-maker from above very clearly developed a crush on the RA that was, at this point, already taken. That’s fine and dandy, because nobody would ever know—unless, of course, you pull stupid stunts that give it away. It should be common sense and common courtesy that you do not try to steal someone else’s girlfriend, and that you absolutely do not give them grief about being in a relationship. Some of the underhanded and out-of-line comments have been ridiculous. Crushes are fine, but when someone is taken or clearly uninterested, you have to just let it go. Anything else will simply make you more enemies than friends. I let it go, at least. But apparently it’s hard for other people not to be underhanded jerks.
Life sucks sometimes, so get used to it. If something doesn’t go your way, suck it up and move on; don’t make someone else’s life hell because of it. Why is this so hard to understand?
If there’s anything I know well, it’s stress. It’s a terrible affliction that is simply a side effect of being human. So we learn to deal with it; some people handle it well, and some people really don’t. For example, one great outlet for stress is sports—either playing or watching. However, an important factor in managing stress is mitigating its causes. There are a lot of life problems that justify stress, but there are a lot of petty issues that really don’t.
One of those issues is grades. I spent three years barely passing middle school, and one year doing the same in high school. I spent my last three years of high school cleaning up my act and recovering from my blunders. I pulled it out enough to barely get into the honors community here, but not enough to land the scholarship many say I deserve. I won’t disagree, but there’s nothing I can do about it; so I leave well enough alone. Despite attending hundreds of lectures during my first year of college, there was only one lesson I learned. It had absolutely nothing to do with school.
Unless you count the school of hard knocks. It sounds easy for me to say, but there are many things more important than grades. Staying in school is important to your future, but when the bottom really does fall out, good grades won’t save you. You’ll be desperately reaching for friends and family; ultimately, for love. Because when the world turns upside-down, that’s all you’ve got left. I should know, because I’ve been there before. The point is this: many of my friends have become disproportionately obsessed with grades, and they’ve become blind to other life matters.
Being concerned about grades is OK. I am, because I need to be. What’s unacceptable, however, is allowing grades affect your mood and personality for weeks prior to and following tests. Talking to friends about what I view as past missteps (skipping class) is absolutely not just cause to be hostile and violent toward me; pummeling me with remote controls is far beyond acceptable. I have every right to be worried about my exams, and do not deserve to be hounded about the fact that I usually do well. I’m fallible just like everyone else. To the guilty parties here—you know who you are—it should come as no surprise that the open hostility is rapidly eroding my interest in your company.
So there’s a lot more to life than school and grades. It’s not kosher to tote inferiority complexes, superiority complexes, and general hostility relating to school, grades, and majors. Nothing is worth letting your stress end friendships; always keep that in mind.
And now back to issues that pertain to the Hillcrest community more than the HCP. The HCP has it’s fair share of issues, but what’s happened to the community as a whole is altogether more disturbing. When I began as a freshman, the idea of Hillcrest was to form an intellectual community, wherein each person harbors his or her own opinions, and is willing to civilly share them with others. Perhaps an effect of election-year politics, the community has noticeably split itself into many sects, cliques, and harems.
The most obvious clique is the HCP and its close company. This group of friends came to be for two reasons, which are (1) we are all engineers, and thus benefit from keeping company, but more importantly (2) most everyone is comparatively conservative. It seems that Hillcrest, including the HCP, has fallen victim to one of the most dangerous fallacies that plagues us today—forming your communities based on those who agree with you. The goal of an honors community is to challenge and reevaluate ideas, but what has happened is coagulation and stagnation: like beliefs have clumped off into small little groups.
For example, all the RAs except for one have formed their own group, which now summarily dismisses any input members of the HCP might have, simply because we are the HCP. Whether our input is valid or well-founded is irrelevant; the source immediately discredits it. I dare say that “the management’s” such nonchalant dismissal of feedback is frightening. You’re supposed to run the building and the community based on everybody’s feedback; not just input from your close and carefully-selected friends. Playing favorites is a terrible habit, particularly when you’re in a position of authority.
A community is not supposed to be made of discrete groups; it’s supposed to be a fluid mass of cooperating and coexisting individuals. The growing tendency to discredit and ignore those who induce intellectual sores is bothersome. If you can’t back up your beliefs, maybe you should do some rethinking—don’t simply avoid those who shake your foundations.
There’s no overarching point to this exorbitantly long rant. Each of the various flaws I’ve seen, I discussed. I’m neither innocent nor guilty on all counts. The hope here is that—perhaps—everyone will read this and see themselves in it. This semester has taught me a lot, but I feel like my friends and community have continued down the same path they’ve followed for two years now. We’ve all got to learn from our mistakes, but it’s impossible to learn if nobody highlights them as mistakes or transgressions.
I’m aware that this will offend a lot of people, but sometimes the truth just needs to be told. I’m equally at fault for falling into my own factions here in the community, and as a couple others and I have realized, it’s about time we stopped the drain. Unlike previous years, none of the blame lies on the freshmen, nor should it be unjustly placed on them; the blame lies squarely on us upperclassmen for subconsciously dividing the community into groups as we have. Maybe it will get better going forward, or maybe it’s beyond repair. Nothing’s set in stone, so we’ll see how it all turns out. I’ve seen the community get along before, so I know it’s possible.
Here’s to hoping it can once more.
Even with a fantastic job, good friends, and good memories, life comes up lacking on occasion. I write here to fill the gaps left empty. From personal musing to technical reference, it's all here.
